Today Jesus showed himself to me as the Good Shepherd. Once again, I learned that there is so much more to this character trait than I thought!

I first read Ezekiel 34. Israel had just been brought down and humbled to a new low when their holy city, Jerusalem was destroyed. Israel once again was choosing to turn from God and worship other things besides Him. Israel had rendered herself unclean and defiled the temple and city and land. Israel deserved destruction which came in the form of Jerusalem’s temple burning and the city falling. 

The Israelites had also been exiled and scattered among enemy nations and their leaders (whom are referred to as shepherds) were selfish and were not searching for or taking care of the flock (the people of Israel). Ezekiel 34:2-3 “Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of their flock? You clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock.” 

So the Lord, the good shepherd takes over this is what I love! The rest of Ezekiel 34 is just a prophesy of God’s rescuing and restoring his people and a prophesy for what Jesus would later do for us when he came to earth. Ez 34:10-12 says “I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them. For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them…I will rescue them from all the places they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness.” But He doesn’t just stop there with rescuing. He then goes on to say how He will restore his people and bring them back to a place with prosperity. Not because they deserved it, but because God had compassion on them.

He says later in Ezekiel 34 “There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel…I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak…I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing…there will be showers of blessing…the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them…You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign Lord.” What a sweet promise that He makes to the people of Israel and that Jesus fulfills for us when he comes to the Earth to rescue and restore us into a right relationship with God again on the cross and through his resurrection.

In John 10, Jesus talks about how he is the good shepherd. In v. 11 Jesus says “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” v. 3 says “…the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.” Shepherds didn’t just call sheep randomly, but only those that belonged to them. And that’s what Jesus does for us! He even calls us by name! I get chills just thinking of Jesus actually calling me by name, and knowing that I’m not random. Jesus wanted me and called me to Him because I belong to Him.

After reading John 10, I began to wonder what it is about the relationship between a shepherd and his sheep that he would lay down his life for them. I learned that the needs of sheep are much greater than other animals because of their instinct to be afraid and when faced with a fearful situation to run. They actually wouldn’t survive without their shepherd. I also learned that a good shepherd doesn’t push his sheep. Instead he simply stands in front of his sheep, gently calls them by name, and leads them to a place where He has already been, positioning himself between danger and the sheep. Jesus doesn’t force us to do anything or go anywhere even though he knows what is best. He just asks us to follow him because he knows where the good pastures are and where the most life giving water is. He also knows where the danger is and where not to lead us. What an amazing shepherd!

Not only does Jesus lead us as sheep, but he invites us into being shepherds of our own flocks! 1 Peter 5: 2-4 says “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them–not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” Jesus invites us to be shepherds of others the way he is our shepherd and lead our sheep to the greatest shepherd of all, Jesus Christ. And when Jesus returns he promises to reward those who have been shepherds under him.

John 10:9-10 “I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.”

Recently I have been finding myself straying away from Jesus frequently and looking to other things, relationships, accomplishments to satisfy myself. Nothing ever fully satisfies me and makes me keep searching for more. Now I know that Jesus is the only one to satisfy me, and I even find myself feeling convicted when I am running to other things. I tell myself “I need to love Jesus more. I need to put him first. He is the only one to satisfy me.” But I realized I was telling myself these things because I knew they were the right answers or the right things to do, not because I actually wanted to put Jesus first or love him more. I’ve become so numb to who Jesus is that sayings like those are just second nature to me. My heart isn’t really in it.

This whole semester, the cry of my heart has been “Make me believe that you are better.” While I know that Jesus is better, I have been so consumed in other things that my heart is having a hard time believing that Jesus actually IS better than all the things I have been chasing. Therefore, I am dedicating this Christmas break or however long it takes, to relearning who Jesus is. My prayer is that Jesus will allow me to see all that He is, so that I can fall in love with Him again, and love him so much that putting Him first in my life won’t even be hard because I will know and believe that Jesus really is the better than anything else in my life.

So I started today with learning about Jesus being the Son of God. Something I’ve known since I was little, and something I thought I had a pretty good grasp on until today. I wish I could convey everything I learned over the past 3 hours, but I just want to share some of the things that I thought were interesting.

Jesus is the Son of the living God and no one has seen God except the Son and he came to us to make God known. (John 1:18 )

There were others referred to as sons of God in the bible including the chosen people of God, Heavenly beings, Kings and rulers, and godly individuals but Jesus is unique. He is God’s Son eternally, not adopted. He obeys the Father perfectly, not imperfectly. He is an exact representation of His Father (Hebrews 1:1-3). Jesus and the Father share power, knowledge, authority, and glory so there is equality indicating that the two are one.

Something else I learned is how closely Jesus’ sonship is associated with suffering. This excerpt is from one of the articles and is too good to try to paraphrase:

“When Jesus was famished after a long fast, the tempter said to Him: “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread” (Matthew 4:3, etc.). When Jesus was in agony on the cross, the passersby mocked Him and said: “Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” (Matthew 27:40). These speakers forgot that Jesus is the Son of God. God, who seeks and serves and even suffers to save those whom He loves, the people of the world. He is not the son of some earthly king, who must show his might and save his pride by appearing to be victorious in the eyes of the world, according to the world’s standards. It was just because He is the Son of the God of love that He would not use His power for selfish purposes but perfectly fulfilled the will of His Father, who chose to reveal Himself and His love to all men through His suffering Servant/Son.”

Jesus is the Apostle of God. Many messengers and prophets were sent BY God but Jesus, the Son of God, was sent FROM God Himself and so he is called “Immanuel” meaning God with us. The purpose of the Son being sent by the Father is to reveal Him. Jesus, the Son of God, as God, is the image of the invisible God. Jesus is God revealed to man. Christ Jesus is the image of God to mankind and God revealed himself to mankind in Christ. (try to wrap your mind around that concept…)

Now here is my favorite part of what I learned today. Jesus is also the word of God. The word of God is eternal, even as God is eternal. As he is God’s eternal word, he is God’s eternal Son. Even among humans, through his word, a man makes himself known and brings out what is within Him. And that is exactly what Jesus does. He came to us to make God known to us. He could have just come and died for our sins, but he did so much more for us. He came and taught, worked, preached, healed, loved, showed us how to live life well, and to let us in on who God is, and see the glory of God. To know God better.

Jesus is God but he is not the Father. He is the Son of God. Phil 2:5-8 says “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who being in the form of God thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation and took upon Him the form of a servant and was made in the likeness of men:  and being found in fashion as a man He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, even the death on the cross.”

Jesus who had all the qualities of God, humbly emptied himself and became like man for us. To reveal God to us. “The Sonship of Christ is revealed in this: He was revealed as God in the flesh, and yet submitted to God the Father.  He was limited as a man, and He glorified God the Father.”

If you want to look more into this then here are the links that I learned a lot from. The first link showed me a lot of scripture about Jesus being the Son of God and the other two links are articles that helped me understand more.

http://www.blueletterbible.org/study/parallel/paral19.cfm

http://www.answering-islam.org/Hahn/son.html

http://www.answering-islam.org/Silas/son2.htm

So it’s been a while since my last post. I’ve been meaning to write one for a long time, but I just never got around to it. God has been teaching me so much this year. It’s funny because I thought last year was my year of learning, but he’s taught me so much more in just a couple months than I ever thought He would. It’s way too much to fit into one post, so I’m just going to try to summarize it on here.

Basically through a series of quiet times, conversations, song lyrics, and talking with God a whole lot, He has been showing me how much weight I put to my friendships and relationships. In fact relationships are an idol for me. I look to my friendships to satisfy me in ways that I know only God can.  I find my identity in my friendships. They are a source of insecurity or pain when I feel like they aren’t meeting my unrealistic expectations and also a source of pride for me when I feel like I’ve achieved that short lived approval of friends. Either way it’s wrong, and either way it’s exhausting.

Let me tell you, it has been one of the most painful experiences I’ve had as God as been revealing this sin to me, and stripping this idol of me. But it has also been one of the coolest times in my life and relationship with God. Because even as he has been making me aware of my sin, He has been so incredibly sweet to me. He makes me aware of the darkness of my heart, but He doesn’t just leave me there. He does it because he knows that I will never be satisfied by the things I continually turn to. The void I have to be satisfied can only be filled up by Him. He wants to satisfy me. You see He doesn’t just make me aware of my sin to let me wallow in it. He offers me himself.

Even in the times when I feel worn out and so defeated by my sin and feel like I can never get past it, he whispers in my ear, “Yeah you’re right. You can’t beat this on your own. But I can, and I will beat it. In fact, I already defeated this struggle for you on the cross.” And then he gives me joy! Inexpressible joy that I know can only come from being in the presence of my Father.

Every time I come back to Jesus with this sin and lay it at His feet and admit that I cannot beat it on my own, He fills me back up with Him and his joy. And I’m reminded that He is enough. He is satisfying. He offers grace. Limitless grace that never runs out on my infinite mistakes. And his love is all I need. My identity is found in Him and the fact that I am his child and he loves me dearly. And if I’m ever having trouble believing that, I can simply turn to the cross where He loved me so much that He gave his own life for me.

“Great is your faithfulness oh God. You wrestle with the sinner’s heart”-Chris Tomlin

4CY. For Coach Young. Over 4 years ago, when I was a sophomore in high school, Coach Young, one of my teachers and coaches who I loved found out she had stage 4 lung cancer. She was told she had between 3 and 8 months left to live. Everyone who knew her or just knew of her was devastated. She was so loved by everyone in the Memorial community.

Well, long story short, it’s been over 4 years now and Coach Young is still with us. Not surprising in the least bit since she is probably the strongest woman I know. She never gives up, but I also see the miracle God has done in her life and is continuing to do.

However on Thursday August 1st, I got some devastating news that Coach Young’s cancer had suddenly taken a turn for the worst. She had been in remission for some time, but the cancer came back and had now spread to her brain. I learned she had only a few weeks left and her funeral arrangements were already being made. She decided she wanted to meet with her former players and students to explain what was going on and I guess kind of have a chance to say good bye.

That took place last night in the gym at the high school where I shared so many memories on that court with Coach Young. She said she expected about 30 of her old students and athletes to come and just sit on the floor to chat. She underestimated how much she was loved obviously. Because there had to be at least 400 to 500 current students, former students, teachers, parents, siblings, coaches, and administrative people there. I could tell she was extremely humbled by the turn out. But I think she was the only one surprised.

Being there was so surreal. It was crazy looking around the room and seeing so many familiar and unfamiliar faces there who had all in some way been impacted by Coach Young.

When Coach Young began speaking about her current situation, I think that is when it finally hit me. This is real. She was crying quite a bit, but she kept reassuring us that they weren’t tears of fear or sorrow, they were tears of joy. She said she was ready in every way, physically, emotionally, spiritually. She recognized that every day she had on this earth after she got cancer was a gift. It was a day she really didn’t deserve. And what a great reminder for all of us. We aren’t guaranteed any second more than the moment we are in now. Every day truly is a gift from God and we should live each day with that mindset.

Even though Coach Young may not have been the strongest person in that room physically, she was by the far the strongest person there in every other way. She was the one comforting all of us last night. It seemed backwards but I’m not surprised. Coach Young truly is one of the strongest people I know, if not the strongest. But I know last night was also a testament to her faith. Nobody can face death with so much peace unless you have something bigger to hold on to. My friend Sarah, gave Coach Young a little cross back when she first had cancer. And she told her last night, that she still clings to that cross. And I believe that is a physical example of the Jesus that she has put her faith in and trusted through all this.

One of my friends said it best last night: “Things we know from Coach Young: the Holy Spirit energizes, God comforts, and Jesus saves.” I saw all three of those last night in Coach Young.

But those aren’t the only things I know from Coach Young. I have learned so much from her in the time I’ve known her. These are not things she has said, but more importantly things she has lived out.

To name a few: never ever give up, have joy in all circumstances, laugh all the time, don’t take life too seriously, when you want something go work for it until you get it, be humble, be confident in who you are, live life to the fullest every day, live every day like it’s a gift, be selfless, love others well, trust God in all circumstances, cling to Jesus wheneverything else seems to fail, and make good decisions.

Words cannot describe the impact Coach Young has had on my life. She will never be forgotten, and I know her legacy will live on in the Memorial community long after she has left. Although this is so hard for me, she has reminded me to have peace in trusting in God’s sovereignty through this. Her light already shines so big and bright, but I know it will be even brighter when she’s gone. I have already seen it begin to grow in the past few days.

I saw the body of Christ come together last night for Coach Young and it was such a beautiful sight. And I have full faith that God will use his body to carry on Coach Young’s life and legacy and fulfill a greater purpose than any of us can even imagine.

I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about my trip to Africa for a while, but I haven’t really known what I wanted to write about. So much happened and God taught me so many things that I haven’t known how to condense it, but I’m just going to go for it and try to summarize some of the things I learned while there and since I have been back.

I’ve been to Africa two summers in a row now, and I pretty much did the exact same thing both times. I even had most of the same girls in my group both times. Yet, I came back this year having a very different experience and God taught me so many new things. I love that about God. He’s so creative.

Something God showed me on the first day of camp is how inadequate I am. No matter how much I think I know the bible or know the gospel, I am completely powerless in teaching that to anyone. Even when I’m teaching the basic gospel story to girls who are much younger than me, I had absolutely no idea how to teach them. I’ve never felt so inadequate in teaching than I did in our first small group time. But I’m thankful for that feeling because God reminded me how much I need him to speak through me with those girls. He’s the only one who can cause real life change and open our ears to understand his gospel.

Something else I learned is that we aren’t promised to see the fruit of our labor on this side of heaven. With 100 other Americans, it’s easy to get discouraged when you hear all the other stories about how God is working in other groups when you haven’t seen anything big happen in your own. But that’s a lie I believe too often from the Enemy. But when I really start to think about that concept of not being promised to see the fruit of my labor, it’s actually really freeing! God didn’t call me to Africa to change lives. He called me simply to love on the girls he placed in my group. That’s pretty much all any Christian is called to do-just say yes to his calling and then watch him take care of the rest. And the best part is that although we aren’t promised to see any fruit, by the grace of God, he often allows us to see it! It makes it that much sweeter, seeing that fruit as a gift from God, not an entitlement. I saw tons of fruit while I was in Africa! I got to lead the 2 new girls in my group to Christ on Wednesday at camp, and then got to see almost all 12 of my girls share the gospel with adults in their community the next day! It was incredibly humbling to watch my little girls who I have been teaching all week, go out and share the gospel with strangers much older than them.

Something that I think is funny, is how God brought me all the way across the world, to help me in areas of my life back in Texas. He answered a prayer of mine while I was in Zambia that I have struggled with for a long time. He also showed me that I’m not called to Africa to care for orphans. Kind of funny, how he gave me that realization while I’m in Africa serving orphans. It actually sounds kind of weird. But while I was there, as much as I loved the girls in my group and loved being there, I couldn’t help but miss being back in America connecting with girls my own age. I craved deep conversations and being able to do ministry with girls I can relate to. God made it clear that I am called to right where I am now–at UT with girls in my own community. I don’t know what that looks like in a couple years from now, but I don’t have to worry about that. I trust that God will lead me wherever the next stage of my life is, but for now I am called to stay right where I am. It’s funny how God brought me all the way to Zambia to show me that.

While I learned a lot of new things, there are some aspects that never get old no matter how many times I hear or see them. Spiritual warfare is something I always learn more about in Africa-it is just so obvious over there. Maybe because I am seeing it from an outsiders perspective. But I hate hearing that my young girls’ biggest fear is the devil. At their age, I was so oblivious to any of that stuff, but they can’t escape it. It’s all around them from the witchdoctors, to bad dreams about snakes, to being physically and sexually abused by relatives. It’s everywhere and it’s scary to a little 8 year old girl. God gave me a little taste of this fear one night. One of the nights, I stayed up til around 1 in the morning with some other girls talking about a lot of random spiritual stuff. But a good portion of our conversation was about spiritual warfare and demon stories, and just a lot of creepy stuff. Then I had to go sleep in my own room that night….cold and pitch black. I had never been so terrified of demons or spiritual warfare in my life. I went to bed praying so hard and asking God to protect my mind from bad dreams and protect me physically from any spiritual warfare attacks. Although it was terrifying, I am so thankful for that experience and getting a little taste of what my girls go through every night.

I miss my girls so much and really feel like God gave me his heart for them (something I had prayed for before the week started) because the amount of love I have for those 12 girls is something that can only be from God. It was incredibly hard saying bye to those girls. But it’s okay because they were never my girls to begin with. They were always God’s children and they always will be. God let me love them and point them to Him for the week, but I said goodbye to them knowing that they were in God’s hands. Even though I can’t see them anymore, I continue to pray for my girls knowing that God is still with them, and trusting that he hears my prayers for them. That’s what faith is. Hebrews 11:1 says “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the convictions of things not seen.” The best part of all is that these girls are now my sisters! We both share the same Father in heaven, and we both share the same inheritance in heaven! Even if I never see them again on this side of heaven, I know I will see them one day in Heaven. And that, my friends, is so so sweet!

There were so many other things that happened and so much more that I learned, and funny stories that I would love to share more about if you want to know more!

Songwriting is one of my passions. It’s one of my favorite hobbies. It’s a way for me to express myself, and it’s also a way to express to myself how I am feeling. I tend to keep my emotions bottled up inside to the point where I don’t even realize them until they become unleashed in a song. I think God uses my songwriting sometimes to speak to me. Last week, I was feeling kind of dry. I was also in the mood to write a song, so I grabbed my guitar and starting playing. After about 5 minutes I looked at the words that I had been writing down, and I saw that I was crying out to God to give me a desire for him. I was longing just to long for Him again. I was feeling spiritually dry. I was feeling a lack of joy. I think that was God showing my heart to me so that I could know that I needed him to help me.

The next morning, God took me to a passage in 2nd Timothy where he showed me that He heard my cry and he was there. “If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for he cannot deny Himself.” 2nd Timothy 2:13. He spoke to me through his word that morning and reminded me that even though I am weak and doubt and run away. He never fails. He can’t fail. He is always faithful even when I am not and that he has the power to restore my joy when I cannot. So that was cool but it gets WAY better.

So then that night, I went to a bible study where the topic was none other than…wait for it….JOY. Okay God, i see you! We watched a Beth Moore video and I learned some cool stuff, but honestly the parts that got to me the most were the passages she used. The first verse that stuck out to me was Isaiah 60:5 “Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy.” I became captivated by that concept. I longed so badly to feel my heart throbbing and swelling with joy. Another verse that I fell in love with was Isaiah 35:10 which says “And the ransomed of the Lord will return and come with joyful shouting to Zion with everlasting joy upon their heads. They will find gladness and joy and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”

After bible study, I decided that I needed to go spend some more time with Jesus and talk to Him about everything going on. So I went to a coffee shop, journaled for a bit, and then opened up my bible and began reading the same verses from bible study as well as some others in Isaiah.

And then I can’t even explain what happened next, but all of the sudden my heart was throbbing and swelling with joy! I was so in awe by my creator and savior. I was captivated by Jesus and was literally watching him answer my weak cry out to him the night before. I asked of joy and within 24 hours he had given me an overabundance of joy! I had so much that I just wanted to share it with everyone so I began texting one of the verses to some of my friends. It was one of the most unreal experiences. As I drove home, my eyes welled with tears as I realized the reality that Jesus had literally called out to me and spoke to me in my song so that I would realize my need for him again. And then he filled that need abundantly and so quickly. 

And you know what the coolest part was? That joy that I got that night came simply from spending time with God that night and having him reveal his word to me. That joy didn’t come from stuff, or friends, or accomplishments. It came from my relationship with God. And something that I still can’t get over is the fact that that relationship with God is available to everyone. In fact it is pretty much the only thing that is available to every single person on earth no matter your circumstances. No matter how rich, how poor, how young, how old, everyone has access to this unexplainable joy and relationship that is really all you need. 

God has promised us joy in with Him in heaven one day. And sometimes my joy comes from simply knowing that truth. But God wants us to have joy NOW. I rediscovered that this past week. He wants to give us joy and give us a glimpse of what is to come. And if this joy that he’s given me is just a glimpse, then i can’t wait for that is coming! But why wait for joy when i know that it’s here now?

For the past several years I have had some stomach issues and have been trying to figure out what the cause is. I’ve seen 4 different doctors who have all said different things, tried countless medicines, and nothing has seemed to work. A couple weeks ago, I saw doctor number 4. After talking for a while and running some tests, he concluded that I probably have “insulin sensitivity”. (for the record, we have recently discovered that insulin is most likely not the cause based on other symptoms and once again we are back to square 1 trying to figure out what the problem is) However talking about stomach problems isn’t really the point of this post. 

Back when the doctor told me that he thought I had insulin sensitivity, he went through a long list of what I could no longer eat–basically anything that had any sugar or carbs was going to hurt my stomach and therefore needed to be avoided as much as possible to keep from having more problems down the road. It was ALOT to take in as the nurse began talking to me about my new diet and what I was going to have to start eating and stop eating. Even certain fruits were off limits and there was absolutely no more sweets, and if you know me, you know that sweets are a crucial part of my daily diet…so basically by the end of talking to the nurse and my mom, I was in tears and very stressed out. I felt like I was pretty healthy overall and felt like I was being punished for something I didn’t deserve.

Anyways after an eventful morning at the doctor, I made the drive back to Austin. I was talking to God about it and trying to trust in Him even though I didn’t understand but was still very frustrated with everything. However God began to show me stuff I hadn’t thought about and change my attitude toward the whole situation.

So first off, I started to realize that I may have a bit of a food idol, and it was especially showing during that experience. I find myself going to food no matter what I’m feeling–whether I’m sad, happy, tired, or just want to be satisfied, I try to fill my need with food. But it’s so temporary. And God says to me “No, I’m the bread of life. I’m the only one who will truly and sufficiently satisfy you.” He’s not temporary. He is eternal. He offers eternal satisfaction–something that food will never offer me.

Something else that God reminded me of through this experience is just how broken this world is. Just how broken I am. I can’t even eat normal food without feeling sick or bad after. Part of the consequences of sin entering this world is that this world is broken and I can see and feel it first hand through eating. So often I find myself trying to fix my broken self by going to broken things in a broken world. But that day I was reminded once again of the brokenness of this world, and that I am only going to be fully satisfied and happy by going to Jesus–the healer of our broken world.

So in a way I’m thankful for my stomach problems because they remind me of how great Heaven will be with my Father when I won’t have these stomach problems. When I will be completely healed and renewed by the perfect healer. And I CANNOT WAIT for that day! 

I’ve been tired lately. Exhausted actually. No matter how much sleep I get, how much caffeine I drink, I can’t seem to ever have enough energy. On Saturday it came to a boiling point when I literally had to sit down in the shower because I felt so physically weak. My weakness became so powerful that I felt a heaviness. This was a feeling that I hadn’t felt in a long time. When that heaviness came, I immediately knew it was the devil attacking me. And after talking to some other people, I think the devil has been making me along with many others around me tired and weak.

Now know we an’t blame all my exhaustion on the devil. After all, we are in college and clearly not getting as much sleep as we could be. And I guess that I can’t speak for everyone, but I know that Satan has been capitalizing on my lack of sleep and attacking me to the point of literal physical exhaustion. It makes sense. He’s afraid of God. He know what God can do through his people and that has to freak him out. So if he can’t attack God, then why not attack the vessels that God works through.

Unfortunately for Satan, God works through our weaknesses. 2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 says  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Someone reminded me of that verse last night, and it really stuck with me. How cool is it, that God doesn’t need us to be strong? We can be weak and God’s power is perfected in that weakness. Sucks to suck Satan, but you can’t win. No matter if I am strong or weak, God works either way. In a way I can say that I am thankful for Satan making me weak. It’s allowed me to see just how strong God is. It’s reminded me just how much I need God every day. As soon as I stupidly decide that I can do anything apart from God’s help, that’s when Satan seems to attack me the most, and then that is when I am reminded of just how weak I am, but also I am reminded of just how strong God is.

So I guess I’m learning that it’s okay to be weak. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

When I was younger, I used to do lots of silly things with my little brother. One thing we used to do was whenever one of us wanted the other to help the other out or do a favor, we would say “If you do this for me, I’ll be your servant for the day.” Then for the rest of the day, the person who said that would have to do whatever the other one wanted. It usually ended up just having to make the other person a snack or something like that. Looking back though, I realize how foolish that was because being a servant to my brother for the day ended up being way worse than whatever small favor he did for me. 

I was thinking about this today, and I started thinking what if this was how God acted toward us. What if whenever we asked him for something or He did something for us, he would require something in return from us. I realized that I used to have this mindset before I had a better grasp on the meaning of the gospel. Because if God did require us to do something in return for what He has done for us, then the gospel wouldn’t be true.

Jesus gave his life for me and bore my shame on the cross before I even knew how shameful I was. Jesus loved me before I even knew who He was. He loves everyone in this entire world even knowing that many people will never actually love him back. Jesus came to this earth and saved me because He loved me. That’s it-plain and simple. There’s no catch. I don’t have to do anything because that’s the whole point of him coming to save me. I can’t save myself. I am incapable of fixing my brokenness.

I think it’s easy for us to think that there has to be a catch or that he requires something in return because that is what we are conditioned to in this society. Unconditional love seems like a foreign concept. As much as we don’t want to admit it, we are selfish people.  We love others but we expect them to love us back. We serve others, but it’s hard for us to keep doing things for someone if they never do anything for us. I know this because I’ve experienced this feeling. But that’s not how God operates. And I am SO thankful for this because if His love was conditional, I know I would’t do enough to earn his love. 

So yes, God doesn’t require anything of us. He doesn’t require me to be his servant when He answers my prayer or blesses me or saves me. But the funny thing is that I want to be his servant. I want to devote my life, my thoughts, my words, and my actions to Him. I never wanted to be my little brother’s servant-that felt like a burden. And he hadn’t really done anything that worthy for me to serve him. But I WANT to be God’s servant-for me that is joy and a pleasure to let him reign in my life. God has done everything for me and deserves all the glory and all my praise.