I’ve recently been beating myself up over my failures-in my ministry as a Christian, in my lack of personal holiness, in my choosing sin over Jesus too often. But God reminded me this morning to basically “get over myself” in the most tender way possible. It’s funny how what can seem like humility in looking at my failures is actually prideful. I’ve gotten so caught up in my successes and failures as a Christian, that I have forgotten what the Gospel is really about.

God didn’t send his son Jesus to die so that we could be better people. That’s religion.

What really happened is that we decided we didn’t need God anymore, so we abandoned that relationship with Him. Then we realized that was a big mistake and we missed God and that relationship. It was perfect, satisfying, fulfilling, pure. But we left God and sinned against Him and there was no way to get back to that perfect relationship.

Insert Jesus.

Out of His perfect and eternal love, God sent Jesus to live the life we weren’t able to live, and then died the death we deserved to die so that we could have a relationship with God again. I think about that and realize I have no part in that other than the part where I sinned against God.

In 1 Timothy 1: 13-14 Paul says “…Yet I was shown mercy BECAUSE of I acted ignorantly in unbelief; and the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus.” (emphasis mine) Christianity isn’t about being a good person, rather it’s quite the opposite. Jesus died because of my badness and then freely let me share in his inheritance of the Kingdom of God so I can spend the rest of life and eternity knowing God.

Don’t get me wrong, part of the Christian walk is about being sanctified and becoming more like Jesus over time, which obviously would make me a better person, but that wasn’t God’s sole reason for saving us. And when sanctification becomes the main focus in your life (as I was doing as I focused on my failures) it’s easy to forget about redemption and grace and living by faith instead of works.

Oswald Chambers says it best: “As workers, we have to get used to the revelation that redemption is the only reality. Personal holiness is an effect of redemption, not the cause of it. If we place our faith in human goodness we will go under when testing comes.”

Focusing on my failures is a waste of time. I can’t fail by my own merits because I can’t succeed by my own merits. It’s not about what I do, but what Jesus has already done for me. So my first response to the gospel is to accept God’s grace. Any other option would just be offending to God.

I’ve been fascinated by the story of the transfiguration of Jesus lately. Jesus takes Peter, James, and John up on a mountain where he transfigured before them to show his true glory. “And He was transfigured before them; and his face shone like the sun, and his garments became as white as light.” Matthew 17:2. Then Moses and Elijah show up on the scene too, and Peter says “Lord it is good for us to be here; If you wish, I will make three tabernacles here…” Matthew 17:4.

I totally understand why Peter said that. I’m sure that was an incredible moment and Peter wanted to make it last as long as possible and stay in that moment for as long as he could. It was like a glimpse of Heaven, seeing Jesus in that glorified state.

But they could not stay there forever, and I love what happens next. The first thing they encounter when they come down from the mountain back into the valley is a boy possessed with a demon. Talk about a mood changer!

In reflecting on this story more, I consider how often I am like Peter in this story–enjoying the mountaintop experiences in life and wanting to make them last. In fact, I often get frustrated when I am in the valley because I’ve convinced myself that I should always be experiencing the mountaintop feeling if I have Christ. Isn’t that what we were rescued for? I’ve convinced myself that if I am feeling anything less than a mountaintop feeling that I must be doing something wrong. I must not be spending enough time with Jesus. Or worse, I turn selfish and blame it on others or on God.

But we aren’t made for the mountaintop as long as there are still valleys in the world. It’s easy for me to be depressed after I have descended from a mountaintop. That experience can look differently for different people, but for me it often looks like a weekend spent with community or even a year living with my best friends who all love Jesus and encourage each other constantly. It’s hard for me to find joy in anything in the valley after that.

But the mountaintop is easy and comfortable, and God didn’t call us to that. He called us to do His work, to join Him in the fight, to be His hands and feet, to join Him in healing people of their spiritual brokenness, to make disciples, and that can only happen in the valley. It’s in the valley where we grow, where we are broken down to be sanctified, where we learn to abandon everything and to relentlessly trust and follow God.

I have to train myself to believe that because if I am being honest, the mountaintop feels right. In fact, it is where we were intended to be before the fall happened. But everything changed after the fall. All believers were lost in the valley at one point. It wasn’t until Jesus revealed himself to each of us that we were rescued from the valley. In some way, Jesus was “transfigured” before each us and we had our first mountaintop experience.But then we had to make a choice, to try to prolong our stay on the mountaintop or to follow Jesus into the valley. But here’s a secret: we don’t actually have control over how long our mountaintop experiences will last. Trying to control that only leads us down a more painful route to the valley. If we don’t willingly follow Jesus into the valley, then it could be easy to believe that we are in the valley against out will and it can be a miserable, selfish valley experience.

But here is what I am learning and trusting God in. God knows exactly what we need. He knows when we need a mountaintop experience. He knows when we need those moments to be refueled and recharged on the mountain to propel us into the next valley. Truly believing this causes an entire shift in my perspective of the valley and mountaintop. Each of those mountaintop experiences are a gift. They are a reminder of the hope I have in eternity where everyday in Heaven will be like a mountaintop experience because there are no more valleys.

But for now, I am called to the valley. But there is joy in the valley too. It’s hard and it’s painful, but it is incredibly worth it to work and alongside Jesus and get to join Him in his redemptive work even if that means suffering too. It’s what we were made for. And there is more joy in the valley than trying to desperately cling onto the mountaintop.

We take communion as a reminder of Jesus’ body that was broken for us and his blood that poured out for us on the cross. We eat bread and drink wine to remember what Jesus did for us, and it’s beautiful. But what’s our calling now as believers? It is simply to glorify God and spread the good news to others so they can experience the same grace we have.

So what is we are called to be broken bread and poured out wine for God now? For others. But how do we become broken bread or wine without first being broken or squeezed. I have prayed prayers asking for something like that many times: “God do whatever it takes to break me down and ripen and use me for your glory, for your kingdom.” I was convicted this morning though, of the part where I pray “whatever it takes.” Because I realized that I don’t really mean that. I am willing to let God break me down and sanctify me as long as he used the circumstances that I think would be best. Or he uses the people in my life that I think would benefit me most.

Oswald Chambers says, “Yet God can never make us into wine if we object to the fingers He chooses to crush us.” Dang. I may not like the circumstances that God uses to break me and crush me for something better, but Jesus didn’t either.

Matthew 26:39 says, “And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”” But because Jesus was obedient to his Father and for the joy that was set before him, Jesus endured the cross and was broken and poured out for us. (Hebrews 12:2)

So maybe we don’t like the circumstances God is using to break us down or sanctify us, but if this is what will ultimately lead me to greater joy and His glory then I must endure it no matter how painful the process is. We also don’t get to choose the timeline that it takes place on. If you squeeze a grape before it ripens, then the wine will taste bitter. It is the same for us. Sometimes I get tired of how long God takes to work on a sin issue in my life, but who am I to decide when I’m ripe? God sees the bigger picture, and I must choose to trust in his plan and his timing.

I hate social media. Don’t get me wrong; there are some good things about it. As a Public Relations student, I see the benefit of it for brands and events and other advertising endeavors. But for the most part, I hate it. I hate the hold that it seems to have over me. There are so many days that I want to just quit it, but then I realize that I will miss out on what’s happening in the world and in people’s lives around me. Social media helps me keep up with family and friends who I don’t see often, or even friends who I do see often. I feel like I have to be on social media to simply keep up with everyone since it’s a primary form of communication.

But social media is shallow. And for someone who craves deep friendships and knowing people to their core, it’s a nightmare sometimes. You only show the good, clean sides of yourself on social media. It’s how you prove your worth to others. Social media says “If there haven’t been any pictures added of me on facebook in the past month, then I must not be doing much with my life.” The saying “Pics or it didn’t happen” is such a false reality in this day and age. Why can’t we go to a cool place and appreciate it for what it is and for whom we get to experience it with without taking a picture to filter it and post it on Instagram to show how adventurous we are?

Social media fosters competition. It allows us to compete to see who can has the coolest life. It forces us to keep up with others. For example, if you didn’t post a picture of yourself at a cool music festival like everyone else did, how will people know that you also went and had a really awesome time?

Approval has always been something people strive for. But now social media can put a quantitative measurement on that approval. Social media doesn’t give you a say in how your life is measured; it just tells you your worth. Our lives are measured in pictures, statuses, clever captions, likes, comments, followers, views, favorites, and retweets. It tells you what people think of you, how funny you are, how witty you are, how cute you are, how popular you are, and how great your life is in the eyes of other people.

But you know what social media can’t measure? How great the coffee that you posted on instagram actually tasted. It can’t measure how fruitful that conversation was with the person you were sitting across from when you took that picture. Social media can’t measure how amazing 75-degree weather and clear blue skies feels on your skin. It can’t measure how much the music affected your soul at that concert where you took a picture and spent 20 minutes trying to think of the wittiest caption to achieve the most amount of likes.

I’m not saying posting those things are bad, but I am afraid that we spend so much time evaluating ourselves based on what a number of likes on a picture says about us that we miss out on those special moments that caused us to post pictures in the first place. We forget what really matters in life; what really gives our life meaning.

It doesn’t show the genuine, deep conversations you have in a long car ride with a friend, the first kiss that makes your heart leap, the adrenaline you feel cliff jumping, the excitement you feel when your favorite college team wins a national championship, and it doesn’t show the uncontrollable laughter you experience with your friends at 4am when you have been studying all night and finally hit delirium. Social media doesn’t do justice to that sunrise no matter how many filters you add to it. But those are the moments we remember, right? We reminisce on those things, not how many people liked the picture.

Social media doesn’t show the tears, the heartache, the pain, the hurt feelings, the sin, and the messiness in life. It doesn’t show you holding your friend as she cries in your arms after she has had her heart broken by the boy she loved. It doesn’t show the pain you feel after losing a loved one to suicide or cancer. It doesn’t show the regret you have after letting your selfishness and sin hurt someone you care about or the sweet grace and forgiveness they offer you in return.

That’s reality. And social media can’t measure that. It can only offer glances through a filtered lens into a false, ideal world that we want others to see about us. But it’s not reality. And I’m not interested knowing your “perfect version of yourself” that you want people to see. I want to know you for who you are. I want to know the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because I want you to know that about me too. I want to know that I can be accepted for who I really am, and I want to love you even though I know the ugliness in your life. That’s freedom. That’s living. Everyone has their own reality with their own victories, hardships, and ordinary things. We should be proud and thankful for every aspect of our lives. Because it’s our own unique reality that shapes and defines us.

Most importantly, social media can’t measure how much Christ loves you and me. It can’t measure the worth you and I have in Jesus Christ. Social media can’t measure the amount of agony Christ went through to die on the cross for our sins and to save us into life with him. He died for our freedom so that we wouldn’t be bound to the things of this world that promise us joy but never fulfill. He set us free so that we wouldn’t have to try to find our value in social media. If you’re in Christ, you’ve been set free, so live in that freedom.

Earlier today I was thinking about sharing a spiritual truth that I had recently learned about. In the middle of thinking about it, I realized I was trying to keep it from sounding offensive in the way I would present it. I found myself dumbing it down, softening the truth, trying to make it sound more appealing. I had to stop and check myself. I was reminded of something that I think many Christians forget or try to avoid when thinking about our faith and sharing what we believe with others who have not heard about our savior. The Gospel IS offensive.

Think about it. If you’ve never heard the story of the gospel, the story of Jesus, it’s pretty offensive. The gospel tells us that we in our flesh are evil, we’re sinners, we deserve death. We’ve sinned against a holy, eternal God and there is nothing we can do to try to earn His forgiveness or earn our way back into a relationship with God. We need help. We need a savior. We have to set aside our strength and be weak before God and let him help us. (1 Cor 12:9-10)

So yes, the gospel is offensive. It’s true, in our flesh we are selfish, self-righteous, sinful. We turned away from God and instead of giving glory to our worthy Creator, we praised creation. We bought into the lie that we’ll find freedom and satisfaction in serving our own desires through created beings and things. Humans spend their lives trying to find happiness and trying to please themselves. Many people see the Christian life as a rule book, as a list of dos and don’ts, as restraining.

But the ironic truth is that until we know and experience the gospel’s saving grace, we are actually enslaved to our own passions. God’s intention when he created the world was for us to be in a relationship with him, to know him and experience his goodness and his glory. He created us to worship him and to find ultimate satisfaction and joy in Him. So when humanity sinned and turned away from Him, He turned us over to our fleshly and sinful desires. (Romans 1:24-25). God doesn’t force us to love him or choose him. He let us have what we wanted; what we thought we needed to satisfy ourselves. So because we lost that satisfying relationship with God in the garden of Eden, we were left to try to satisfy ourselves in whatever way we thought was best. But it wasn’t fulfilling, it was never lasting, it was temporary happiness that left us only searching for more through a never ending cycle of our search for pleasure, satisfaction, and purpose.
(Sorry if I just ruined your day, but keep reading, I promise it gets better!)

So if the Gospel means good news, what is it? I think it can be summed up in a single sentence. Romans 5:8 says “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” In the midst of our worst, God gave us his best. God sent His only Son, Jesus, to earth to die on a cross in our place as the perfect sacrifice for our sins. He died the death we deserved, and he rose from the grave to offer us the life we didn’t deserve. Yes, God did turn us over to our sins, and he could have left us there. But he didn’t. He didn’t even wait for us to turn from our sins back to him before he died for us. He died for us, WHILE we were still in the depths of our sins.

So yes the gospel is offensive, but it’s more than that it’s beautiful. It’s freeing. Christ didn’t die for us to follow a rule book. He died to free us from the sinful desires we were enslaved too. Romans 6:14 says “For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace. He has forgiven us and offered us new life, better life; eternal life with God. He died to restore us into a right relationship with God again. And all we have to do is accept and receive the free gift of eternal life. There’s no cost on our side. He paid the price, and he bought us with his blood on the cross.

That’s the gospel. It’s beautiful. But in order for us to see the beauty of the gospel, we first have to see the offensiveness of it. In order to understand everything Jesus went through for us, we have to understand our sinfulness and how undeserving we are. The more we understand our sin, the more we understand and can appreciate His grace and praise Him. We will never be perfect on this side of Heaven. Even with new life in Christ, I still often find myself turning back to old habits or trying to find fulfillment myself. I still have to repent of my sins daily and I’m constantly working on releasing control to God, but I’m no longer ruled by sin or by the law, but by grace. Romans 5:1 says “There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. There is nothing more freeing than the grace offered by our Father.

I’d be doing you a disservice if I wasn’t 100% honest about the whole gospel because I didn’t want to offend you. You deserve to hear the truth instead of a watered-down version of the gospel that may keep from hurting your pride, but it would do you no good in the long run. The joy I have experienced in knowing Jesus is incomparable to anything else on earth, and I want that for everyone else too. I want to share the beauty of the gospel even if that means sharing the offensiveness of the gospel too.

If you know me at all, even just a little bit, there is a good chance that you know about my love, okay “obsession”, with s’mores. Whether it’s an old-fashioned fire pit s’more with a roasted marshmallow, a microwave s’more with melted chocolate and a gooey marshmallow, or a variety of s’more desserts, I love them all. I think I’ve become associated with s’mores to my friends. People text me pictures or post links on my Facebook page of s’mores and s’more desserts. My friends have bought me s’more ingredients and made s’mores with me on my past two birthdays. One of my friends for Christmas gave me a s’more maker to use in the microwave. And my mom told me even today that she already envisions me having a s’more station at my wedding reception.

I always knew I liked s’mores, I mean obviously they’re delicious. But after what God showed me today, I now realize even more why I like them so much! God can use s’mores to point us to him and to teach us about him; specifically the trinity.

The trinity has always been a hard concept to grasp for anyone no matter their spiritual maturity. Humans use many metaphors and examples to try to understand and explain the trinity and how God can be one, but also three separate persons. But God showed me today how well a s’more can describe the trinity.

You can probably already see where I am going with this. But think about a s’more. There are three separate parts, the graham cracker, the marshmallow, and the chocolate. All three are separate ingredients. But all together they make a s’more. You need all three, because without one of them, it’s not a s’more. That’s how God works too. There is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. All three are separate beings, but you need all three to make up God. Without any of these qualities, God would not be the God we know and worship.

Okay now bear with me on this next part. After I had this realization that my favorite dessert was really just the trinity in the form of food, I began thinking about the three parts and which ingredient represented which part of God. Now, since I make s’mores mostly in the microwave out of convenience, I pictured my s’more with the melted chocolate and gooey marshmallow.

The chocolate represents Jesus. In the microwave, the hershey’s chocolate changes composition from its hardened state to melted. I believe this represents Jesus when he came to earth as a man. Fully God, but fully human. He changed his state to become man so that he could come and live a perfect life and die in our place for our sins.

The marshmallow represents the Holy Spirit. The sticky, gooey marshmallow is what holds the whole s’more together. I’ve always kind of pictured the Holy Spirit as the spirit connecting God the Father and Jesus. In fact, Jesus’ ministry on earth began when God the Father anointed Jesus with the Holy Spirit at his baptism. The Holy Spirit came on Jesus and was with him during his entire ministry on earth. (Acts 10:38). Similarly, the marshmallow will stick to the hershey’s and they become attached after being heated up in the microwave. All believers are promised the Holy Spirit as their helper when they accept Jesus Christ as their savior. The Spirit is said to even intercede for us when we pray to God. (Romans 8:26). And in the same way that the Holy Spirit stayed with Jesus, God promises that the Holy Spirit will be with us forever. (John 14:16)

The graham cracker represents God the Father. The graham cracker holds the chocolate and marshmallow in place. When you cook a s’more in the microwave, the marshmallow gets real big and the chocolate melts. But when you take it out, the pressure of the graham cracker subdues the marshmallow back in place. I would suggest that the graham cracker has authority in the overall s’more. Jesus stated that God had authority over him when he was on earth. John 8:28 says, “So Jesus said to them, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he, and that I do nothing on my own authority, but speak just as the Father taught me.”

God has hidden himself all over this world for our enjoyment of finding him and knowing him a little more intimately each time we learn something new. So I shouldn’t be too surprised that I found him in s’mores today. He knows me well. He created me with a love for s’mores to ultimately point me to Him. Everything was created to point glory back to God, so I guess I found one way that s’mores can do just that.

I’ve always dreamed of being able to do what I love for a living. If one day I can own a s’mores business and share the gospel through making and selling s’more desserts, I’d be pretty lucky.

This summer I have been living at home and working in an 8-5 internship. Although it doesn’t seem to compare to many of my friends’ summers of travelling abroad, working at camps, or doing other cool things that fill my instagram daily and shamefully make me jealous here and there, I know that this is where God has placed me for the time being.

It’s not all bad. I’ve gotten to reconnect with high school friends who are back in Houston and spend time at the lake with family and friends on some weekends. But for the most part, it has been kind of a lonely summer; however I mean that in the best way possible. It’s been the best thing for me.

The quietness in the back corner of my office, the lunch breaks where I often eat alone, the 30 minute commutes to and from work, and the many times in my room in the evenings have allowed God to have me all to himself. That’s something that I don’t allow God to do often enough during the school year when I’m surrounded by friends and things to do 24/7. Towards the end of last semester I became very aware that I was scheduling God around my plans and my time when I should have been scheduling everything else around God and my time with him. I knew I needed to change that, but I didn’t want to. I mean I wanted to, but I didn’t want to have to sacrifice or change anything.

Thankfully God took control and made it impossible to escape Him. He has become my best friend. He is my go-to companion. He’s the one I talk to now on my drives to work. He’s the one who accompanies me to lunch  each day through reading his word and books that have reshaped my view of who my Father is. God has been teaching me so much this summer, and it’s only made me want to know more. It’s only made me feel like I have less answers than before. I’m more perplexed by God than ever, but its a good feeling. The more I know, the more I want to know, and the more I fall in love with my Father and savior.

I thought I had a good grasp on who God was. I thought I understood wisdom. I thought I understood the Holy Spirit. But he’s teaching me that He is so much bigger than I can ever try to fathom. He will not be confined to any box I try to put him in. He is infinite and his ways are limitless. He knows no boundaries.

I’ve learned to always go to scripture above anything else when searching for truth, but his word isn’t all the truth. He will not be confined to the box of scripture that I try to put Him in. For example, I have been learning a lot about physical healing and the different ways in which God heals. But God isn’t confined to healing only in the ways that the Bible talks about. John 21:25 even says “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”  He has the power and authority to heal in whatever way he pleases-whether it is in a single instance through a person who has been given the gift of healing, or through a long process of chemotherapy and thousands of prayers over one person who has life-threatening cancer. In the Bible, Jesus sometimes healed someone because of their faith or sometimes because of their friends’ faith, or even if someone had no faith at all. We don’t get to decide what God can or can’t do or even what God will do or how he will do it. Who am I to decide the ways in which God moves and tell someone else “No, I don’t think God heals that way”?

I would love to share with you everything that God has been teaching me this summer, but I don’t think that’s the point of this post. I just want to encourage you to seek after God and his truth. There is incomparable joy in knowing God intimately. We won’t ever know all the answers, but we’ll never know what we could know if we don’t seek after it. It doesn’t matter where you are this summer, whether you are travelling the world and seeing all of God’s creation or sitting in an office every day like me. I’ve learned God can speak to you and draw you to him anywhere, anytime if you just allow him; if you just open up his word. I never would have thought that I would have fallen so in love with Jesus in the situation that I am in this summer-doing the same mundane things every day. But  once again, who am I to decide the ways in which God works? God doesn’t need any crazy, awe-inspiring experiences to draw us to himself. Yes, sometimes he uses those experiences, but sometimes he uses an 8-5 internship and a quiet summer.

Psalm 16:11 is a verse that I have written on a sticky note next to my computer at work, and I have never found it more true than this summer. It says “You will make known to me the path of life; In your presence if fullness of joy; in your right hand there are pleasures forever.”

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

Jesus is so sweet! Today He showed me about how he is the light of the world. Then tonight randomly and last minute, I ended up going to look at Christmas lights. While I was driving around, I was thinking about christmas lights and what their purpose is for Christmas. Why are they such a tradition? Why is it such a thing to go drive around neighborhoods admiring christmas lights. Then it dawned on me that these lights represent Jesus, the light of the world! God’s timing really is the best. As I was admiring the beautiful lights I got to reflect on everything Jesus had shown me about himself today, and it gave me such a cool perspective in which to see the lights.

In John 8:12 Jesus tells us “I am the Light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.”

Here is what I learned about light today in an article from Loyola Press:

• Light helps us see things. Jesus helps us see the truth about God, our life, our origin, and our destiny. That’s one reason Jesus came to earth-to reveal these things to us.
• Light guides as as we travel. Jesus guides us through life until we reach our eternal destination in Heaven.
• Light allows growth and life (like a plant needs light). Jesus brings life to us
• Light warms and comforts. Jesus comforts and calms us
• Light prevents crime. Jesus is good
• Light dispels darkness which represents evil: Jesus pierces the darkness of sin and death and defeats them.
• My favorite image: All the darkness in the world cannot put out a single candle flame. Jesus cannot be overcome by evil. 

There are lots of lights that represent the light of God and the glory of God. But there will come a day where there will be no need for these lights. The day that we see Jesus face to face. My favorite verse that I read today is Revelation 22:5. “And there will no longer be any night, and they will not have need for the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illuminate them; and they will reign forever and ever.” WHAT AN IMAGE. I’m thankful for the light God has given us to point us to him but I really can’t wait to get to see the real light. The glory of God. The light of the world. 

Ecclesiastes 11:7 “Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun.”