When I was 7 years old, I was in a bad accident in which I suffered a pretty severe broken leg and had to be taken to the hospital for immediate surgery. By the grace of God, the surgeons were able to repair my bones and I was put in a full leg cast to begin the healing process. When we got back home to Houston, I went to see an orthopedic doctor who when taking a look saw that the bone was not healing properly and therefore he had to reset the bone. He essentially had to re-break my leg so that it could heal.

I’ll never forget laying on that table and as the doctor was re-breaking my leg, grabbing my mom’s hand as tight as I could, pulling her down to my face, and yelling through the pain “DOES HE KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING?!”.

It’s a funny story now that we laugh about, but in that moment of extreme pain, I questioned everything about that doctor’s wisdom, expertise, degree. I mean did he even go to medical school?

I don’t know what went through his mind, as he heard me yelling questioning what he was doing. I’m sure he didn’t like having to put this little 7-year-old girl through pain like that, but he knew it’s what was best for me and the healing of my leg.

Seventeen years later, I find myself asking that same question. Except this time, instead of asking my mom, I am looking straight into The Great Physician’s eyes. And He’s not just my doctor, He is my Father.

Do you know what you are doing? Are you sure this is your best for me? Can I really trust you? Do you know how painful this is?

Pain has a way of making us question the authority of the One allowing the pain, the One inflicting the pain even. It’s uncomfortable and it doesn’t feel good or right, and sometimes it can make days feel like weeks and hope harder to cling to.

I’ve found myself in a season I did not see coming with circumstances I would not have picked myself.  It’s a season of more change that I thought I could handle and more time alone than I wanted. And through the circumstances and time, God is revealing sin, pulling up deep roots, opening up old wounds, and letting my fears become reality. And it’s one of the most painful things I have walked through in a long time.

There are many days I’ve chosen to avoid it and numb my mind or stay busy. Because choosing to face these things God is revealing is painful.

But then I read Hebrews 12:11-13: “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight the paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.”

And I remember He is a good Father. He is Love. Everything He does flows from His love. Healing always follows pain. I get to present my places of hurt, my places of doubt, my fears, and the lies I believe to Him, not so he can condemn me in them, but so that He can bring healing to them. So that He can bring freedom to the areas of bondage.

God is a God who sets captives free. You see it run through the entire story of the pages of the Bible. But the key to God setting us free is really the why.

The first time we see God setting people free in Scripture is when He rescues the Israelites from Egyptian slavery. Over and over, God tells Moses to say to Pharaoh “Thus says the Lord, “Let my people go, so that they may worship me.”

The purpose of freedom is not just for the sake of being free, but so that we may worship God. It’s what we were made for. There is no greater joy, peace, wholeness, or freedom than when our hearts are truly and freely set on Jesus.

Pain leads to healing. Healing leads to freedom. Freedom leads to worship. Worship leads us into intimacy with Jesus and Jesus says that Eternal Life is found in knowing him (John 17:3).

So yes, this season doesn’t all make sense yet and it’s painful, but I’m choosing to declare God’s goodness even when I can’t see it because what’s true in the light is still true in the dark. I’m choosing to believe His ways are better than mine, and I’m choosing to trust Him because He’s only ever proven to be faithful to me and to His promises.

The Lord gave me these words a few weeks ago to a song that I am still writing:

“You say there’s a light and though I don’t see it, I’ll say that you’re good and I might start to believe it.”

And it’s been the sweetest to sing those words, to sing that He is good, and to find myself not just knowing but believing His goodness again.

UPDATE: I finished the song referenced above.

I’ve not always been a big new year’s person. I don’t always make the time to sit down and reflect on the previous year and write out my goals for the next. This year, though, I was asked by someone some specific questions to ponder as we entered into 2017. I had some time the other day, so I decided to go for it. I sat down with my pen, journal, and the questions and dove in. I reflected on all that God had taught me and all we had been through together over the past year. And I prayed about where I wanted to be in my relationship with Him a year from now. It was both sweet and powerful to look back on the past year and remember what God had done and where He had brought me from. And it was exciting to dream with Him about the year to come. I felt like I was getting a clean slate, a fresh start.

Since I gave God some time to sit with me, He took advantage and began speaking to my heart about where he wants to take me. Where I can find freedom. Where I can really serve him. I’m not talking about a physical place here, but a spiritual place that you get to by spending time in His presence, in prayer, in obedience, by growing into a deeper relationship with him.

God pressed  John 21:18-23 on my heart. Jesus is talking to Peter after they had breakfast on the beach where He gave Peter the chance to be redeemed and confess his love for Him again after denying ever knowing Him just days before.

“Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” Because of this, the rumor spread among the believers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?'” John 21:18-23

I love that this is in scripture. Peter and John. Two friends. Two followers of Jesus, two of His closest people while He walked the earth. They had just spent 3 years doing everything together. Following Jesus and learning His ways. We know what happens because we have the rest of scripture that gives us a glimpse into history and into the ways their lives turned out. They both helped usher in the kingdom of God to many parts throughout the earth at the time. They made disciples, baptized many, healed the sick, wrote books and letters that God breathed into our scripture, and did many signs and wonders to bring people into the faith. And they got to do some of this together! But at that time, neither of them knew what laid before them.

And they didn’t have to know. Jesus’ only command to Peter was to “follow him”.

I wish I knew the context of what made Peter ask. Was John following right behind them? Or at a distance trying not to be seen? Was he concerned that their callings would be different? Was Peter willing to follow Jesus at all costs regardless of what his friends were doing?

I’ve been thinking about this over the past couple of days as I’ve felt God say the same to me. “Kirby, what is it to you in how I work in and through the lives of those around you? You just need to follow me. Follow the calling I’ve given you, take up your cross and follow me. To faithfully obey my commands. To love me and love your neighbors.”

Yes that calling is the same to everyone who claims to love and follow Jesus. But that calling will look different for each person. The path will look different for each person.

For Peter, his path eventually led him to being crucified upside down on a cross. For John, he died peacefully on an island. But not before he was boiled in hot oil years before that and miraculously lived, and then eventually went on write the book of Revelation.

Acts 17:26 says “and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation.”

Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

God has prepared works for each of us to walk through. Paths that we would journey on. For the Christian, they all lead to the same place in the end, but our paths to get there will look radically different on earth. Some seem harder than others. Some seem like they have a bigger impact than others. Some seem scarier, some seem easier. Some look like more fun. But what is that to me? To you?

I’ve found myself looking side to side a lot lately and seeing God use other people and wanting to get to be used in the same way. Wanting a different plan. Wanting a bigger calling. Wanting a different gift. But I realized that when I do that, I begin to become jealous of someone or I begin seeing that role as the end goal, rather than seeing Jesus as the goal, rather than seeing Jesus as the one who actually is doing the work. We are just the vessels being used.

I’ve also found myself looking side to side and falling into temptation or acting in ways that keep me from pursing the holiness I desire to have or missing out on chances to glorify and serve God simply because I want to find approval in the site of my peers and simply because we are all sinful creatures who have fallen short of God’s glory and are constantly in desperate need of grace.

Comparison is a dangerous trap. It’s a crippling trap that keeps you from pursuing your own calling from God. Unfortunately the grass will always look greener. And unfortunately for our generation, social media feeds that competition like no other. (See more of my thoughts on social media here).

Instead of looking side to side, God’s tells us in his Word to “fix our eyes one Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3.

So that is my prayer for this year. To fix my eyes on Jesus. To be more aware of the unseen, eternal things rather than the seen, temporal things of this world. I don’t want to miss out on what God might have for me because I am too focused on what others are doing. It’s not our job to judge and make assumptions of what those around us are doing. We just need to trust Jesus and follow Him because He is the way to eternal life. Because his ways are higher. Because while we see only a small part, He sees the whole tapestry.

I want to look and run to Jesus more this year because as Peter said “Lord to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” John 6:68

“Death Has Not Won” (Kathy’s Song Pt. 2)

I wrote this song when Kathy went into hospice care-about 3 weeks prior to going to be with Jesus. I wrote it as a part 2 to the first song I wrote just a few months after she was diagnosed 3 years ago. See No Place Like Hope (Kathy’s Song Pt. 1)  Here

The first song was written from her perspective and this song is written from the perspective of all of us that are left here on earth grieving her passing. But we rejoice that death has not won because of Jesus, the Resurrection and the Life! And we trust in His plan. He is our Hope that we are clinging to in this hard time. Kathy left an incredible legacy and will be dearly missed but we are seeing God still using her and the life that she lived is still being used by the Lord to impact so many lives for eternity. See the lyrics below.

Lyrics:
Oh Lord you give and take away
Still your mercy and grace shall remain
You’re faithful and true and good through it all
Now we know that your love is strong
Cuz we need you now to hold us tight
Draw close to your children, we’re hurting tonight
We don’t have answers and we don’t know why
But Lord we will trust that your timing is right

God this seems too hard to bear
That we could go on without her here
We give you our weakness and wait on your strength
Sustainer of us you know what we need
We’re not forsaken, we cling to the cross
It was there that your work was accomplished for us
You’re the resurrection, we stand in your love
We know death has not won

We look to you Father, your thoughts are higher
You say you will walk with us through the fire
And when the sun rises we won’t have been burned
Cuz you’ve come to us like rain to the earth
Your word is sure, your promises are true
Whom have we to cling to but you
We know you are working all things for your glory and our good
But right now…

God this seems too hard to bear
That we could go on without her here
We give you our weakness and wait on your strength
Sustainer of us you know what we need
We’re not forsaken, we cling to the cross
It was there that your work was accomplished for us
You’re the resurrection, we stand in your love
We know death has not won

You are good Lord, we believe it. We will trust in You
For your glory, you deserve it, we will trust in You
You are good Lord, we believe it. We will trust in You
For your glory, you deserve it, we will trust in You

God this seems too hard to bear
That we could go on without her here
We give you our weakness and wait on your strength
Sustainer of us you know what we need
We’re not forsaken, we cling to the cross
It was there that your work was accomplished for us
You’re the resurrection, we stand in your love
We know death has not won

I don’t know how the world works. I don’t know why some people get cancer and others don’t. I don’t know why God chooses to heal an elderly person with cancer but not the child with leukemia. I don’t know why God allows some kids to grow up with just 1 parent or maybe neither biological parent while I grew up with 2 loving parents. I don’t know why some people seem to have harder stories and pasts than others. I don’t know why the victim doesn’t always seem to win in the end.

I can drive myself into a deep depression and anxiety if I try to understand these things or try to reconcile them. I don’t know those answers.

But I know the One who does.

I know Him. I am learning His character more each day. And this is what I know about Him. He is good. Always. He is faithful in the seemingly good and the seemingly bad. He holds this whole world in His hands and nothing escapes his notice. He cares deeply for each one of us. He is for us.

He does not cause evil. He does not put cancer in someone’s body. His plans are not to harm us but to prosper us. He is for us. And therefore, who can be against us?

He is Love. His love for us runs deeper than any sin, any pain, any past. His love is strong and fierce. His love holds us when our hurt makes us too weak to hold ourselves.

He is Redeemer. He redeems all things. He causes ALL things to work for the good of those who love Him.

He sees everything. We see little. He knows everything. We know little. He is always working whether we see it or not. Whether we feel it or not.

If He chooses to not heal a mother of 3 young children from cancer but rather bring her home with Him, I will trust that it is better. Not because I see how it could be better but because I believe His promises are true. I believe His thoughts are higher than ours and His ways are higher than ours. It is better for His glory, for His kingdom, but also for our good. But trust me, it does not seem like it could be good or better.

But then I remember, this is not our home. Certainly there is joy for the mother who will be pain-free in the place of no more tears with her Father and her Savior. She gets to see Jesus face-to-face. She will be home and we can rejoice in that. But we are not left without a Hope for ourselves. Because this is not our home. We are only here for a short while. The pain is not forever. The worldly pleasures are not forever. Yes it feels like forever. But it’s not. We will soon be with Jesus in glory, we will soon again be with the ones who go before us, and that is forever.

Death has not won and death will not win. It already lost. It lost when Jesus defeated it on the cross. Jesus died so we could live. Jesus bore the weight of our sin so we could obtain His peace that surpasses all understanding. Jesus was denied by His Father so we would never have to be. Jesus was wounded so we could be healed. Jesus was cast from His Father’s presence so that we could be brought in. Jesus was tormented that we might be comforted. Jesus endured all pain so that we could have unfading health.

Jesus is our Hope. We cling to the cross. Jesus is the Resurrection and the Life. He is our Champion. Our Victor. The reason we can sing in our pain.

But even with all these things being true, it doesn’t make the pain any less real. It doesn’t answer our questions of why her, why them.

But God knows that. And even though He knows the why, He knows it hurts too. And He lets us hurt. And He meets us where we are. Every. single. time. He offers His comfort. His peace. His presence. He offers us the safest place to struggle, to doubt, to cry, to grieve. He draws near to His children who are hurting and broken. He binds our wounds and heals our hearts.

In John 17:3, Jesus prays “This is eternal life, that they might know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.”

Eternal life. Knowing God. Knowing Jesus. That’s it, that’s the goal- A relationship with God. That will never be taken away from us because Jesus won that for us on the cross. No matter the pain, the hurt, the confusion, the sadness, the joy, the goodness, that relationship is our constant. And it’s the best thing we can have. It’s Eternal Life.

No matter your story. No matter your past, your future, your hurt, where you live, your family life, your wealth, your poverty, your health, your sickness, your doubt, your faithfulness, your faithlessness, your obedience, your sin. That relationship is offered to you and that relationship is constant because of the Lord’s faithfulness to us.

So yes, we have this Hope that one day all things will be made right, all things will be made new, all things will be redeemed. We have a Hope that we will one day no longer have any pain or tears or even a remembrance of the hurt. And I rejoice in that Hope. But that Hope is not for a future that seems so far away. No, that Hope is for us now. The Hope of Jesus. His everlasting love. His unending grace. His mercy that is new every morning. His presence where there is fullness of joy. His spirit inside of us. And nothing can take it away.

“Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His lovingkindness is everlasting. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from the hand of the adversary”

Psalm 107:1-2

In one of the hardest seasons of my life in which God has been disciplining me and growing me, this verse keeps coming to mind. This time of discipline follows a time of sin in which I trusted my own thoughts and ways and disregarded what God might have for me. Though I knew God’s thoughts are higher than my thoughts and his ways higher than my ways (Is. 55:8-9), I still chanced trying my own way. But shocker, my sin of selfishness and replacing God on the throne of my heart with people and worldly satisfaction turned out to not satisfy. My freedom-I thought that is what it was at least-turned out to confine me instead.

However, in God’s great grace, instead of letting me continue in seeking satisfaction in things that were never meant to satisfy, he caused a drought on those things and caused me to cry out for help in my distress.  And he rescued me from my own slavery. Redeemed me from my iniquity. He is restoring my soul. Healing my heart. Setting me free to once again worship him with a pure heart.

Yes that sounds all beautiful and sweet, but it hasn’t come without pain and sorrow. Hebrews 12:11 says “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” For the moment?! Really? This has felt much longer than just a moment. But I love that because in the grand scheme of eternity it is just a moment. And that moment, however long it may feel presently, is worth it because Hebrews 12:10 says God “disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness.” What? That I can share in HIS holiness?! This broken, sinful girl who is being disciplined as a result of her rebellion and disobedience against God….this same God wants me to share in his holiness?

Hence why Psalm 107:1-2 has been on my mind. If that is not everlasting love, then I don’t know what is. The more I become aware of my sin and brokenness, the more I realize how much I need Jesus. I used to wonder how God could still love me after seasons of sin. I would come back to him fearfully and timidly, afraid to look because what if that was the final straw. Surely God couldn’t still love me. Surely he has left me to fend for myself now.

Ever been there?

But here is the beautiful thing that has happened to me. The more I sin and have to repent and turn back to God, the more I am sure of his unfailing love for me. Now I say “you haven’t left me yet, so surely you never will.”  Yes this is my experience, but this experience is also what God says over and over. “I will never leave you and I will never forsake you.” And I’ve found this to be true for me over and over and over again. And now I can “approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that [I]  may receive mercy and find grace to help [me]  in [my] time of need.” Hebrews 4:16.

And I can boldly proclaim to everyone, “Oh give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, for His lovingkindness is everlasting. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he has redeemed from the hand of the adversary.”

I am one of those redeemed children. He is good! Trust me! His love really is everlasting. He is my great Redeemer.

As I read Psalm 107 this morning, I realized again how not alone in this I am as I realized this is the story of all of God’s children. He has redeemed all of us. It will look different for each of us. But we must accept the truth that we have all sinned and fallen short of his glory and are in need of his grace. We must let him redeem us and let his grace cover our shame and guilt. We must let his love be enough. Because it is enough.

Four times in Psalm 107, the psalmist says “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He delivered them out of their distresses.” And then each of those verses is followed by “Let them give thanks to the Lord for His lovingkindness and for his wonders for the sons of men.” So there it is. There is our response to God rescuing us and redeeming us. Give thanks. Let his love fill us and satisfy us the way it was always meant to.

Yes, God can and will change rivers into a wilderness and springs of water into thirsty ground (Ps 107:33) if that is what it will take for us to return. But not because he is a tyrant and just wants us to obey him and follow a bunch of rules but because He is the only one who can satisfy the thirsty soul and fill the hungry soul with what is good. (Psalm 107:9). And then the same God who caused the drought, “changes the wilderness into a pool of water and a dry land into springs of water, and there He makes the hungry to dwell.” (Psalm 107:35-36). Seriously, how great is our God?

I couldn’t help but write a song about God’s redemption last night. Then I read this verse this morning: “Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of His works with joyful singing.” (Psalm 107:22). I meannnn come on! Does it get any sweeter? His redemption really does cause us to sing joyfully and praise Him. And in a way, the joy of His redemption makes me thankful for my sin because of the sweetness of his grace toward me.

Here is my song: “Redeemed” by Kirby McDaniel

Revelation 4:6-8 “And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind: the first living creature like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature with the face of a man, and the fourth living creature like an eagle in flight. And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say, “Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,   who was and is and is to come!”

This is one of my favorite passages in the whole Bible. Mainly because no matter what season I am in, this brings me back to what matters. Back to reality. Back to who my God is. No matter what is going on around me, it reminds me to look to the Father; to lift my head higher than my own little life and look up at God and his perspective in eternity. When I do that, all my problems seem to get smaller and the idea of spending forever with God gets bigger. It’s not that my problems don’t matter to God because they do and he cares deeply for me, but what I have found is that often times the problems I have can be helped when I simply lift my head to look at Jesus; when I remember who Jesus is.

I’ll get back to that passage in a little later. But I need to back up real quick.

In this new season of life of moving into my own place, starting a job, and starting to figure out what post-grad life looks like, I’ve been caught up in getting comfortable and began to lose sight of my need for Jesus. Even in this scary time of transition, I’ve somehow convinced myself that I finally have this all figured out.

Before graduation, I’d been told by older, wiser women to be prepared because people’s faiths will begin to look differently after college. People begin to love comfort and ease and security more than before and more than Jesus. I’ve been so fearful that I would fall into that, and then as I have been going through this season where I have found myself not relying on Jesus the way I did in the past, it launched me into this phase of wanting so badly to live fully surrendered and fully ready to do whatever God has called me. My heart behind it was pure and the willingness was there.

But it was focused on doing. But God said “just be”. Over and over now God has been taking me to different passages and showing me various things, but they have all had the same message. “Rest in me. Abide in me. Apart from me you can do nothing.” I realized I had been missing the point. The foundation of our being and what we were saved for is to simply know God. Jesus says in John 17:3 “And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” That’s it. That’s eternal life! Knowing God. Of course! That’s where joy is found. That is what allows us to do anything else in life. Know God, enjoy God, and love God because He first loved us. Then and only then can I love others; can I make disciples; can I live a surrendered life willing to do anything for God.

Knowing God is what allows me to beat sin. The more I know and enjoy God, the more satisfied I am in him and the more the lesser pleasures of this earth begin to fade. Romans 8:13 says, “But if by the spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body you will live.” We were never meant to do anything on our own. We can’t even overcome our sin on our own. God has to help us by his spirit love Him most. But sin corrupted that perfect relationship with God and so that was all we knew—doing things on our own for ourselves. Until God interceded and won us back through the blood of Jesus on the cross. And now, even though I have access to God all the time, I have to fight the sinful, greedy nature in my flesh that wants to satisfy myself by my own way; by my old ways. I have to fight to rest and to just be with God. But I have found that the fight is worth it because the joy I found on the other side is so much better than anything else I have tasted or seen.

So now I go back to that verse in Revelation. Those 4 four creatures sit around the throne of God literally for all of eternity and are full of eyes seeing everything God is doing around and within. And that causes them to never cease praising Him. God is always on the move. He is always working to redeem his earth and win back the lost children he’s always loved. Even though I don’t have eyes all around me and I am not sitting by the throne of God, God is still doing things all around me. And the times that I am least focused on myself and most focused on Him are the times that bring me the greatest joy as I marvel at the glorious work of my Father. That’s the place I want to get to.

But it doesn’t start by doing anything, it starts by simply being in my Father’s presence.

Thank God for the rain. Austin has been in a drought for quite a while and though I hate how the rain has been keeping us indoors instead of spending our last couple of weeks in Austin outside at parks or on the lake, I am thankful for this rain because I know it will be good for Austin in the long run. The lake will be higher, the crops will produce better, the grass will be prettier, and we’ll all be happier. There is a time for the sunshine, but there is also a time for the rainstorm.

If you know me, you know I love comparing how things on the earth and in nature reflect God or the Christian life. I believe God created systems and processes on this earth to reflect and glorify Him just as He created us in His image to reflect and glorify Him. Everything points to God and His grace. So as I have been sitting in this coffee shop watching the rain, I’ve been thinking about how storms are necessary for the Christian just as they are for the earth.

When there is a drought we need rain. Without water, things are dying. Crops can’t produce without the rain. Water is what makes those crops grow again and brings life again. Sometimes it comes in the form of a storm; difficult but necessary. It’s no different for the Christian. I once wrote this as a cry to God: “I feel a drought in my soul, so send the rain if that’s what it takes to grow.” That’s kind of a scary things to ask God, but I firmly believe it’s the storms that make us grow the most.

This is a universal concept for both the believer and non-believer. We have sayings like “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” and we admire those who have persevered through hardships, and its often the hardest things that we learn the most from.

But as a Christian, I don’t just view storms in my life as a chance to grow in my own character, though it is a natural effect. I often look back on those storms or hardships as something that brought me closer to God. It’s the storms that bring me to my knees crying out to God when everything else around seems to be failing. It’s the storms that make me lean into God and press into knowing His truth more, the only secure foundation for my soul. It’s the storms that teach me the most about God’s character and where I learn that he really will never leave me. It’s in the storms where I am most weak but feel God’s strength lift me up on wings like eagles and my renewed strength can only be attributed to Him. It’s in the storms that I learn that God is my rock and my salvation, my strength and my refuge, my eternal protector and defense, and the only love that is completely and eternally satisfying.

He doesn’t send us storms as a punishment or as a sign of his wrath, just as He doesn’t send floods to punish the earth. Just as He promised Noah to never flood the earth again, He promised us to never send His wrath again after He put all of His wrath that we deserved on Jesus on the cross. Rainstorms on the earth are an act of His grace as he cares and tends the soil and gives it what it needs. Storms in our lives are an act of grace because they allow us to lean into God and trust Him when we otherwise forget to.

Storms can be in many forms including difficult news such as a doctor telling someone they have cancer, difficult relationships because we are sinful and selfish and our sin affects those relationships, or difficult choices we have to make.

And in the storm we must find shelter. We can choose permanent shelter or temporary shelter. We can choose the shelter of the Solid Rock for refuge and within the shadow of His wings. But God won’t force us to choose Him. We can choose other shelters such as the umbrella of a friend or a tree. Out in the field these may be easier to get to than the house that is farther away. But the friend holding the umbrella may leave or the tree, subject to the weight of the storm, may fall and crush us. These temporary shelters may seem assuring and trustworthy but we will find in the end they are hollow promises, and we will find they pale in comparison to the house that may be harder to get to. But once we get to there to the permanent shelter, the cozy fire and warmth offer not only long-lasting shelter but better security and safety. The more we choose to run to the house in our storms, we are made more and more aware of the security it offers and the more we perceive the hollowness of every other confidence we once put our trust in.

The storm is a chance for us to realize Jesus is better. It’s grace. It’s what allows us to praise God in the storms and for the storms. If the believer’s ultimate goal is to know Jesus more and become more like Him to reflect His glory, then I can thank God for when he sends the rain.

Sometimes I bring storms onto myself through my sin as it leads to fear and anxiety and shame. But how wonderful is my God and his grace that He even uses these storms to grow me and teach me as he redeems my sin and offers himself again and again as the solid rock to plant my feet on or find refuge in. Holy Spirit, “Lead me to the rock that is higher than I” Psalm 61:2.

So yes, I will thank God for the rain. He knows just what we need and when we need it. Our storms have a purpose and this truth helps us persevere. Woe be the day when my selfishness stops me from recognizing that.

What if the moon was all we knew? What if all we got was just a big thing in the sky reflecting an even bigger and brighter thing? If we didn’t know the sun existed and just saw the light of the moon, we’d probably just accept it and be okay with it. I love the moon actually. I love looking up into a dark night sky scattered with stars (just a few though because I live in the city) and then seeing a full moon light the sky and the earth below. It’s light. It’s comforting. It brings a warmth with it.

But because we do know that the sun exists and what it looks like, feels like, how it brightens up the sky and earth in a way that the moon pales in comparison to, the moon can only be second best. It’s only a reflection of the sun. Without the sun it has no light to give to us. The moon provides light to us when we don’t see the sun. It reminds us of the sun that is always there even when we forget.

Sometimes, when I am so enthralled by the moon, I actually forget that it gets its light from the sun. I forget that it can’t be its own source of light. I love the moon because of the sun. Because I love the sun. Even when I forget that that is the reason why I love the moon. Heaven forbid that I ever decide to trade the sun in just to have the moon. That sounds crazy to even say at all–of course I would never want the moon over sun. Without the sun, I can’t have the moon. While the moon is great, its just a reflection of something better. The sun brings even more light. It brings more warmth. It’s even more comforting. How could I ever choose the moon over the sun?

Well that is what I do to God isn’t it? I’d go even a step further and say we all do that to some extent. One extreme is that some people don’t even know God (the sun) exists. They enjoy his creation created in his image (the moon), but they never realize that the creation is just a reflection of something better–the creator.

But then I go to the other extreme to people like me. We’ve seen and felt and tasted the goodness of the sun and all its glory, and yet still too often prefer the moon. I’m not sure which is worse.

I’ve been convicted lately of just how often I choose people and community over God. Creation over creator. Moon over Sun. None of those things are bad in and of themselves. In fact humans were created in the image of God. And even when we tarnished that image and became filled with sin, Christ died for us to make us new creations so that once again we could be made in his image and reflect his glory on earth.

It makes sense that I would be attracted to people who reflect the image of God. It makes sense that I am drawn to a beautiful sunset that reflects the beauty of God. It makes sense that I love looking out into the ocean as it reflects the vastness of God.

But those are just moons. They are all just second best reflecting something that is so much greater. The danger in admiring those things is when we stop at those things. When we begin to praise those things for their beauty and what they offer us instead of looking past them to what they are really pointing us to. We settle for incomplete joy when full joy is offered to us.

I settle for second best way too much. God has provided great people in my life who speak truth into me, who serve me, who know how to put a smile on my face and do, who love me so well even when they know the worst things about me, and who forgive me when I hurt them. Even as I write this, I am thinking of how wonderful my friends are to me. But I must remind myself that they can only be those things by the grace of God. We can only love because Jesus loved us first. We can only forgive because we have been forgiven first. We can only speak truth because we know Truth. We can serve others because Jesus served us first.

But even then we fall short. My friends fall short. They fail me and I fail them. And if all I know are my friends, then I am going to be let down a lot and I will let them down too. But praise God it doesn’t stop there. The people in my life are meant to point me to better, the best actually. They point me to the one who can love me even better. Who has forgiven me perfectly, and who knows how to bring me joy better than anyone else. The people in my life are just the moon reflecting the sun. I hate how often I settle for the moon though. I hate how often I forget that my friends are not a source of light, but just a reflection. And I hate how often I let me pride make me believe that I am my own source of light for others and deprive them of tasting greater joy.

I’ve tasted and seen that the Lord is good, and in His presence is the fullness of joy. There is nothing like it. I can’t be content with just the moon if I know the sun and what it offers.

Just as the moon is nothing without the sun, we are nothing without the Son. I pray to be a reflection of the Son to people who haven’t met Him yet or to friends who have but forget His goodness, but let me never think I can be more than just a reflection. Thank God the moon is not all we know. Thank God there is more. Thank God for the sun.

Let my heart be

one of humble adoration instead of pride;

one of trust instead of anxiety;

one of striving for holiness instead of good works;

one of contentment instead of jealousy;

one of forgiveness instead of resentment;

one of freedom instead of shame;

one of love instead of bitterness

Let my heart be filled with awestruck wonder of how you can take my dead and sinful heart and bring it back to life and give it humility, trust, holiness, contentment, forgiveness, freedom, love.

Let me not forget my former ways before you restored me and renewed me so that I never forget the grace and forgiveness I have received.

Let me never forget or lessen the power of the cross and the power of your blood.

Let me not forget that you took my place on that cross.

Let me never forget the joy you have given me so that I never desire to look for it in lesser places.

But when I do, let me always remember your mercy on me.

Let me never forget that you love me. Not because of what I have or have not done. Not because of my merits. But simply for me.

Let me find my worth in being your daughter and in nothing else.

Let me not forget that you are not only sovereign but you are good.

Psalm 86:5 “For you, LORD, are good and ready to forgive, and abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You.”

There are so many qualities of God and so many things to learn about Him, and there are few things I love more than when when God teaches me things about himself. The more I know about God, the more I love Him. Lately I’ve been fascinated by the aspect of God being a storyteller. As a writer myself, I have recently been blown away by the perfection of God’s story that he has orchestrated through history. It’s made me fall in love with the Old Testament and this amazing story of redemption that God has written from creation to the fall to the cross to the present age as he is making all the sad things come untrue.

I could write about so many things that I have loved about God’s storytelling, but there has been one thing that has stuck out to me that I honestly can’t really wrap my mind around but it has made me so in awe of God that I just want to attempt to write about it.

I often go back and forth between focusing on God’s love for us as his children and God wanting praise and glory for His name. When I focus solely on God’s love, I sometimes get too wrapped up in my own relationship with Him that I forget about the bigger picture of our mission and declaring God’s glory among the nations and spreading his name. It makes me selfish as I begin to think that God is here to make me happy or I start worrying about my own struggles and sins and eventually my failures as a Christian (see my last post for more on that).

But when I focus all my attention on God’s glory, I forget about his love for me. I forget the truth of the gospel, and it leads to me feeling a lack of love, completeness, and joy. I begin searching for love and satisfaction in other areas and I eventually stop desiring God’s glory to be declared among the nations because I once again become selfish in trying to satisfy my own desires.

This isn’t how God intended me or any of us to live. And this is what has been blowing my mind: God’s story has everything to do with Him, but because of that, it has everything to do with us. God’s glory and our joy are supposed to coexist. Because everything in this world is supposed to point to God and give Him all glory, we get to experience full joy. The meaning and purpose of our life to to bring God glory and praise his name, but this purpose is ultimately what brings us the most joy in our lives.

It seems like such a simple concept when you have heard that before like I had, but I have recently just been amazed at the way God has written such a beautiful story and come up with such a perfect design.

I could talk about this concept for days, but I just want to describe a couple ways that I see this idea play out in in hopes that this will cause worship in you as it has for me.

1. Our sanctification. Ezekiel 36:22-27. “…It is not for your sake, that I am about to act, but for My holy name, which you have profaned among the nations…the nations will know that I am the Lord when I prove myself holy among you in their sight. Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from your filthiness…I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you…” We are transformed to be like Christ, to be the image of God and therefore glorify God by reflecting his image on earth. God sanctifies us and makes us holy so that others will see Him through us and bring Him more praise and glory. We get the benefit of being made holy and into the likeness of perfect Jesus which is what every believer desires. His glory, Our Joy

2. Our worship. Over and over again in the scriptures God calls us to worship His name and Praise Him. Every person was created by God to worship. When sin entered the world, we began turning to all sorts of things to worship and made idols of creation. But God, the Creator, is the highest being and the only being worthy of our worship. Our joy is made complete when we are worshipping and glorifying God. I’ve experienced it and know it to be true. Our praise is to bring Him glory, but we get full joy. So when God is demanding our worship, He is demanding our joy. His Glory, Our Joy.