I’ve not always been a big new year’s person. I don’t always make the time to sit down and reflect on the previous year and write out my goals for the next. This year, though, I was asked by someone some specific questions to ponder as we entered into 2017. I had some time the other day, so I decided to go for it. I sat down with my pen, journal, and the questions and dove in. I reflected on all that God had taught me and all we had been through together over the past year. And I prayed about where I wanted to be in my relationship with Him a year from now. It was both sweet and powerful to look back on the past year and remember what God had done and where He had brought me from. And it was exciting to dream with Him about the year to come. I felt like I was getting a clean slate, a fresh start.

Since I gave God some time to sit with me, He took advantage and began speaking to my heart about where he wants to take me. Where I can find freedom. Where I can really serve him. I’m not talking about a physical place here, but a spiritual place that you get to by spending time in His presence, in prayer, in obedience, by growing into a deeper relationship with him.

God pressed  John 21:18-23 on my heart. Jesus is talking to Peter after they had breakfast on the beach where He gave Peter the chance to be redeemed and confess his love for Him again after denying ever knowing Him just days before.

“Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. (This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, “Lord, who is going to betray you?”) When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” Because of this, the rumor spread among the believers that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?'” John 21:18-23

I love that this is in scripture. Peter and John. Two friends. Two followers of Jesus, two of His closest people while He walked the earth. They had just spent 3 years doing everything together. Following Jesus and learning His ways. We know what happens because we have the rest of scripture that gives us a glimpse into history and into the ways their lives turned out. They both helped usher in the kingdom of God to many parts throughout the earth at the time. They made disciples, baptized many, healed the sick, wrote books and letters that God breathed into our scripture, and did many signs and wonders to bring people into the faith. And they got to do some of this together! But at that time, neither of them knew what laid before them.

And they didn’t have to know. Jesus’ only command to Peter was to “follow him”.

I wish I knew the context of what made Peter ask. Was John following right behind them? Or at a distance trying not to be seen? Was he concerned that their callings would be different? Was Peter willing to follow Jesus at all costs regardless of what his friends were doing?

I’ve been thinking about this over the past couple of days as I’ve felt God say the same to me. “Kirby, what is it to you in how I work in and through the lives of those around you? You just need to follow me. Follow the calling I’ve given you, take up your cross and follow me. To faithfully obey my commands. To love me and love your neighbors.”

Yes that calling is the same to everyone who claims to love and follow Jesus. But that calling will look different for each person. The path will look different for each person.

For Peter, his path eventually led him to being crucified upside down on a cross. For John, he died peacefully on an island. But not before he was boiled in hot oil years before that and miraculously lived, and then eventually went on write the book of Revelation.

Acts 17:26 says “and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation.”

Ephesians 2:10 says “For we are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”

God has prepared works for each of us to walk through. Paths that we would journey on. For the Christian, they all lead to the same place in the end, but our paths to get there will look radically different on earth. Some seem harder than others. Some seem like they have a bigger impact than others. Some seem scarier, some seem easier. Some look like more fun. But what is that to me? To you?

I’ve found myself looking side to side a lot lately and seeing God use other people and wanting to get to be used in the same way. Wanting a different plan. Wanting a bigger calling. Wanting a different gift. But I realized that when I do that, I begin to become jealous of someone or I begin seeing that role as the end goal, rather than seeing Jesus as the goal, rather than seeing Jesus as the one who actually is doing the work. We are just the vessels being used.

I’ve also found myself looking side to side and falling into temptation or acting in ways that keep me from pursing the holiness I desire to have or missing out on chances to glorify and serve God simply because I want to find approval in the site of my peers and simply because we are all sinful creatures who have fallen short of God’s glory and are constantly in desperate need of grace.

Comparison is a dangerous trap. It’s a crippling trap that keeps you from pursuing your own calling from God. Unfortunately the grass will always look greener. And unfortunately for our generation, social media feeds that competition like no other. (See more of my thoughts on social media here).

Instead of looking side to side, God’s tells us in his Word to “fix our eyes one Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3.

So that is my prayer for this year. To fix my eyes on Jesus. To be more aware of the unseen, eternal things rather than the seen, temporal things of this world. I don’t want to miss out on what God might have for me because I am too focused on what others are doing. It’s not our job to judge and make assumptions of what those around us are doing. We just need to trust Jesus and follow Him because He is the way to eternal life. Because his ways are higher. Because while we see only a small part, He sees the whole tapestry.

I want to look and run to Jesus more this year because as Peter said “Lord to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” John 6:68